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The only problem with being human is the emotional aspects that overwhelm me. I have had to state my case, and look my family straight in the eye, as if I was looking down the barrel of a gun, and say, “You should have read that. You can’t be afraid of what I have to say, and to understand why, my words must first be understood.”

When my parents walked in tonight…and saw me…. they started razzing me “OOOH…our long lost daughter”….so I flipped them off with both hands. I hadn’t spoken to them for 4 months, actually I hadn’t spoken to much of anyone. I have always called every other day but as many things that happened this summer, I had been systematically separated from every one I knew. My husband had to be convinced to move on. Every social networking site was taken down, every communication with friends dropped, my actual phone number was stolen from AT&T to Verizon and I couldn’t get it back. When I showed up to talk to Verizon they asked me for the password. I didn’t know it. Then I had to turn over my phone because it no longer was my property. I can’t even imagine what a difficult task it was to accomplish all of this with as many people I know.

Anyway, I thought my folks knew I was coming for Thanksgiving. My brother’s mouth just dropped when I realized….uh oh….. they’re not kidding….they really are suprised to see me.  My perception and quick assumptions is still my Chink In the Armor. Then I felt like a jerk. Ooops.

I’m finding I’m fearless and numb, yet in the eyes of my feeble grandfather, I still want him to know I will be there. In the eyes of my sick mother, I still want her to know I love her and cherish the fact she gave me life. In the eyes of my father, I want to understand what it is he is saying. He can lose me fast when it comes to physics and math, space and time …. it’s hard to follow …. but I’m catching up.

Everyone is asking me about the Mouth of Moses: Does he exist, who is he, we thought he was a nice guy….what happened?

My answer:
I don’t know who he was. I don’t know who he worked for. All I can tell is he was assigned to me. I have a feeling I will see him again. I don’t think he is my enemy, but the things he did wouldn’t look like he was my boyfriend either. I think he was training me for my future, but I don’t know anything…..none of it makes any sense.

One of the last times I saw him …. he sang me this song …. and sounded just like Chris Cornell …. but it didn’t associate us …. I don’t think since he made sure I left town … like every thing he did …. it was some cryptic message for my future….like the classic lesson, “You have to know evil to know good, and sometimes you have to do evil to do good.”

On December 3, 2009 I wrote him asking for answers and this is what he replied:

Let me know when fear has escaped you,
and your will is strong enough to see the truth…

that you have yet to realize.

Then he sent me this:

Darkness has fallen upon you
Like a veil worn by the unwilling bride

Peacefullness avoids your mind

Like the rising waters bring forth a flood
Soon you will have to decide….

Will you run
Or will you Hide

Now that I am finally coming out of this fog…I wonder…is he the one who keeps calling me blocked at all hours of the day and night? Like every thing else, I will never know.

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