Another amazing moment with Tenzing
Last night Tenzing won at poker. I finally was able to play at the same table with him, until I was knocked out. We had so much fun. When we went home we talked a lot about my feelings. When I had met Tenzing 7 years ago, I had also decided that I had wanted children. He said, “You and I will never be able to date, I don’t want any more kids.” Ironically, I was the one who lived the life on the road traveling and he … had more children.
Sometimes I can’t help it and it bothers me, but his kids are awesome and I have found out how hard it is to be a parent. As the mother of the girls put it, “It’s a trick of nature.”
I know that life is not perfect, and never turns out the way we imagine it to be. I know to be thankful and grateful and happy for everything I have …. everything.
He held me this morning and said, “I love you so much…you know I will give you anything you want.” I said, “Tenzing, I don’t want a baby.”
We are in the middle of reading my friend Alexandra Dittmann’s book “A Mystical Journey” and we were discussing the chapter “All the World’s a Stage”. That some time in our life when we are younger we imagine what our life will be like and if we fulfill that vision we are “happy”. He said, “Sometime Heather when you were younger you had this idea to have children.” I said, “Yes, when I was 33 and with you 7 years ago. That was when I came up with the idea.” Now that we have our hands full it doesn’t make any sense for me to try to fulfill that desire at 40. I’m too tired to do it. I also realized I love my alone time with Tenzing and I love my time with his girls so the family is just a little bigger and a little less traditional is all. I’m friends with the girls mom and family, all is peaceful and full of possibilities. We get to help each other out and the truth is … raising children is so much harder than I ever imagined it to be so in reality, this is the best of all possible outcomes.
Tenzing came up to me (while I was reading the highly recommended book A Mystical Journey) and said, “Baby, we just need to create a new dream…what do you want it to be?”
I don’t know …. but I know when I figure it out … that dream will be my new reality.